Be responsible for your own health and wellbeing. Stop relying on the pharmaceutical industry to fix every problem in your physical, emotional, and spiritual life. YOU ARE NOT A CAR, OR A BIKE OR TRAIN – general maintenance for “off the shelf” parts doesn’t work in the long term.

Emergency repair is needed on occasion, and I have no beef with that – I too needed life saving abdominal surgery in 2016, and I gratefully thank the medical profession and the pharmaceutical industry for that – this is not what I am referring to.

EVERYDAY GENERAL HEALTH OF YOUR OWN BODY IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

If you have a heart attack and you have a stent fitted, don’t go back to your old ways and back to the pub to drink your red wine and smoke your e cigarette – and tell me it’s better than a normal cigarette, of course it isn’t. Wake up and start taking responsibility for the food you are eating, the exercise you are taking, the life you are leading, look at the stress levels you are under.

CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION ABOUT YOUR OWN LIFE – because I will tell you a secret, no one else will, you are not their responsibility.

If you have an auto immune disease, give up the dairy, give up the stimulants in the form of coffee, tea, alcohol, lashings of cheese (oh! I can’t possibly give all this up, life would be boring.) No shit Sherlock, you can always reinvent your life, be happy, full of joy, but you can’t if you are sick.

I had a friend yesterday who went to Dignitas – he was my very first boyfriend, a lovely man. I have another dear friend who is not doing too well, and I am going to miss her dearly. I am grieving for my friends who are no longer here and those who are sick.

During my own two-year cancer healing journey life has been tough. I have had to say NO to friends, parties, events, food, drink, social life, Christmas, New Year, birthday celebrations – I changed my life, I lived on a farm for a year away from everything and everyone. I got my food delivered from Riverford Organic Farms so that I wasn’t tempted but by the smell of sausage rolls, and take away foods which litter our streets.

How did I do this? MINDSET, pure and simple. At times I felt sorry for myself, poor me, only natural. But do you know what? Every bloody day I got up, made my coffee enema, made my juices, cooked my simple life force giving food, took my supplements. I cried, I laughed, I feel sick due to the massive detox I put my body through. I was weak, stressed, bored, happy, sad, elated, joyful. I listened to random music, read books whilst laying on the floor during my enema and even chatted to friends! Good job I didn’t have the video camera on!

Wake up, wake up, wake up – take responsibility for yourself my friends.

If you get cancer diagnosis or any serious health issue please think, research, change your life before you act. Do not automatically go for the “get it out of my body” knee jerk reaction – surgery not performed correctly can release millions of cancer cells loose into your body, spread cancer cells like wildfire. You are creating the perfect environment – increased blood supply, nutrients, growth hormones to heal the surgery. Cancer and general ill health are big money earners for the pharmaceutical industries – they don’t care about you or the cause of your illness. They only want to treat the symptoms not the cause. You are the cause by living in a misinformed state of bliss.

Written in 2019

Today I am feeling so low, so fed up with my life, so fed up with my “journey” that all I want to do is sit and cry and give up. What’s the point? Where is the joy in my life? Where is my laughter? What else do I have to overcome? People say that the universe has a plan for you, well my universe has lost its sense of humour right now! Some would say that you are only given what you can handle!! Well, please listen universe because I am at breaking point.

To the outside world my life looks great, easy, “lucky”. I have been thinking a lot about my month stay in hospital. Perhaps it is delayed trauma? I would love some answers. Three and a half years ago I was lying in a hospital bed fighting for my life. It would have been easier for me if I hadn’t made it through, this is how I feel right now. I sold my business, my home as I couldn’t cope. Five months later, when I was just believing that life was worth living again, I found out that I had breast cancer… Another 21 months later I am cancer free. This has been a tough journey.

So why am I not happy? I am emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted and financially exhausted. And do you know what? Life just keeps on going on around me. The people in my life still have their problems, their troubles and woes, their successes and triumphs – but to me this all feels so empty right here and right now. Am I jealous? Resentful? I ask myself these questions. No, not at all, I realise that it is just that I can’t deal with other people’s stuff right now. Total brain overwhelm. My life is disarray. No room for you.

I ask myself “Am I in Victim mode” partly, I think. “Am I lamenting my old life?” partly, I think. “Am I missing the buzz of a successful business?” partly, I think. “Have I lost my identity?” partly, I think. “Do I think about things differently now?” partly, I think. Just who is this person sitting here, right now, typing this? I truly don’t know.

Yesterday a friend messaged me “Hi Jane, how are you feeling?” – Baiju, a fellow entrepreneur, I am one of his clients – he took the time to ask me if I was OK. I said, “To be honest, I have been better”. He called me today and made a big difference to my world. I realised that friends come from all areas of your life in the most unexpected guise – you just have to be willing to say “I am not OK” and somehow the very act of using these words “I AM NOT OK” opened up a dialogue that gave me a shred of belief in myself again. He gave me the first step forward and a little laughter for the day.

Written in 2019.