Victim mode can be very tempting if you are under attack from someone.
It is a pattern that those of us who have been extensively bullied in our lives may resort to.
What is YOUR first response? For me, my first reaction is HURT, confusion, WHY? WHAT DID I DO WRONG to that extent that you are attacking me.
I have spent many years working on NOT GOING INTO VICTIM mode. But, just briefly, for a split second I went there before I caught myself. It felt familiar like an old friend. But that feeling is not an old friend at all … it is a state created by external forces that you didn’t understand at the time. But I DO UNDERSTAND NOW!
So I caught myself very quickly … In the past it took years to identify this pattern …. Not now … I hear myself say STOP … you are not the victim. This is someone else projecting their SHIT onto you and blaming you for their inadequacies, their stories and their need to hurt someone else for their shortfalls.
The consequences of their actions are not just affecting me … there are wider implications than that.
SO, if I am not in victim mode what mode am I in? I need to think calmly about this question. Do I keep quiet about this or do I speak out and get the advice and support of others. I kept quiet in the past BUT WHERE DID THAT GET ME? That’s right, nowhere.
So I decided to connect with the gorgeous groups I belong too friends I have made along the way, yes please, I need your support and you have supported me WITHOUT JUDGEMENT, only acceptance and love.
From this place on non-judgement, this place of acceptance I can feel calm and begin to work out my strategy for dealing with this unpleasant intrusion into MY LIFE. I will jump through the necessary hoops only because I have no choice, BUT I will be exonerated and there will be consequences for the hurt this has caused.
For those who find themselves in similar situations please REMEMBER victim mode does not serve you, there is always a way out, you just have to look for the EXIT signs … I promise you if you look hard enough you will find them and you will resolve the situation and Survive. And move on from a place of power.
Much love.
